Help

I need this. I need you. No. Shut up. No one wants to hear your opinion. Please. Let this be. I need this. Why? Long story. I have time, but do you care? Yes. Doubt it. I do. My life doesn’t work. Nothing does. I feel joy and then it’s taken away and all that is left is for me to commiserate, to be melancholy. You don’t understand. You’re too perfect. Perfect family, perfect academics, perfect athletics, perfect social life. You of all people wouldn’t be able to correlate. I get it. What? I get what you mean. No you don’t. Let me explain. You’re the reason why. Why I do all these things. All the sorrow I cause. All the negativity I bring. It’s all because of you. Don’t you see? You’ve broken me. You may not have been the first, but you were the most important. I need to turn away. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try. Please. Understand this. I need you. To stay with me. To leave. I don’t need you in the middle. Stuck between love and hate. Friendzoned. I hate that term but it’s what I am to you. A friend. You don’t get it. All the hatred I hold, it’s for or because of you. Don’t take this as a surprise. I always was the one to bottle up. Write. Not cry. Poetry is my crying. This is not as much of poetry as it is a letter. A rant. To let you know. I need you (to leave). Please don’t stay in the middle. It’s not safe. For you or for me. I hate you. But I also love you. I know I can never have the place in your heart as you have in mine. But please. Stop it. Stop breaking me. I need space. I need closure. I need us to be together. I need love. Give me an answer. Hate or love? I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. I know. You will pick hate. Hate is easier than love. I’m too broken for love. Undeserving. Unwilling.
Leave.
Stay.
Help.